No DMV

Michigan does not have a Department of Motor Vehicles like the other 49 states. Ours is called Secretary of State. I cannot tell you why. I just know I hate going there. A barrel of monkeys would be more efficient, and a lot more fun.

So, even though I sent my check and paperwork to the Secretary of State almost 6 weeks before I needed to for my driver's license renewal, it never came to me in the mail.

I called today. Now, that is somewhat of a misnomer. I looked online for a way to contact the office. I finally found a number and called it. After 5 minutes of voice mail and pushing 1 - 2 - 4 - 2, then 0 for an operator, I was told there was no operator available and to try calling again. So I did, after about 15 minutes, which I figured was long enough for anyone to pee and comb his/her hair. I dialed the number, pushed 1 - 2 - 4 - 2, and then 0 for the operator. There is no way to shorten that. Pushing 0 sooner does nothing at all. Same message.

Then I went to Yahoo Yellow Pages and looked for a number in a branch office. I found one with a Pontiac number (think Pistons, playing at the Palace, although that is technically in Auburn Hills), and got a human without too much work. I explained my situation. She looked it up on the computer and told me it was renewed and mailed on 8/10. I told her it obviously wasn't coming. She told me I had to go to a Secretary of State office.

If it's possible to see blood pressure go from 90/60 to double that, you could have seen it happen right here. I had visions of the gremlin scene when they party. Some hanging from the light fixtures, whatever. I told her that just wasn't right for me to have to wait like that when I had already sent my paperwork in to avoid that visit.

She said I didn't need to wait, I just had to go to the Customer Return window. I said I never heard of that, did they have one in my local branch (giving her the name of it)? She said yes, that they have them in every branch office. She also assured me I would get a sticker from them, and not have to get a new license or have a picture taken. This is the big advantage of a renewal by mail - they just send a sticker.

So I trudged off to the Customer Return window. Oops. No such thing! I had to wait for 21 people ahead of me, then find out that I also had to get a new license with a new picture.

I had walked the dogs for 3 miles earlier, didn't recomb my long hair, and had on no makeup whatsoever, assuming a trip to the gym was next.

First I said, No, not doing it. Then I realized I had no choice. I am not going to be driving to Canada without a license. I will never get over the border to the train station. Plus, I didn't want to return to the Secretary of State office again for 8 years. (new license, plus one renewal, assuming I stay out of trouble with tickets)

It will be interesting to see what response I get to the email I am going to write. If the person who said there is a Customer Return window was being funny, she isn't going to be happy. Normally I take names of whomever I talk to, but that time I didn't. However, being a former children's protective services worker, I did, out of habit, write down both the number and the exact time I called.

When I worked for the state, I helped people through red tape and bureaucratic crap to the best of my ability. You never know when you will be on the other side of it.

(Yes, I was nice to the lady who took care of me and she sympathized with my situation. It wasn't her fault.)