Hello? Is this my child or an alien?

Hello? Child?

Mom?

Since you didn't call me back after I left the message a week ago I assume you will be able to watch my dogs so I can go to Orlando.

Oh, I forgot to call you back. When are you going?

Next week for a few days, over the weekend. I don't have the dates set yet. You can watch the dogs, right?

I don't want to watch your dogs. I don't have to watch your dogs. I have an apartment now with a pool and a cat and a roommate and I don't want to stay at your house. When are you going?

Next week. I don't have the dates yet, but I can try to work with you. I know you don't like my dogs. But I need you to do this for me. I won't be gone that long.

Well I am not doing it unless you pay me. I won't do it for free again. I don't live there any more and I don't have to do it. I don't want to watch your dogs. I work. What am I supposed to do with them while I am at work?

The same thing I did with them when I went to work. I am not paying you. You owe me too much money.

Well, it would have to come out of the $330 I owe you. Make it $240 or I won't do it.

If it came out of anything, it would come out of the $10,000 you owe me. That $330 you borrowed a year and a half ago for a week or two, I haven't seen a penny of that yet. You will watch my dogs, right?

You go away all the time. I don't want to do it. They are not my responsibility. I used to watch my boyfriend's dog. I don't want to but if I do it I want to get paid.

You lived here free for two months and your stuff is still here. I found a used box of kitty litter on top of the dresser in your room. I wondered why that room smelled so bad. I am still watching your stuff, and I need you to watch the dogs.

I didn't know you would be like this about it. I will have to get back to you. I don't want to do it.

I didn't know you would be like this either.

(she called back a while later and it went downhill from there....I guess I am canceling my trip)

 

 

 

 

Ouchie

I mentioned my ill-fated stress test but did not elaborate. This should give everyone a laugh.

For years I took Vioxx, which was removed from the market over some potential heart issues. My doctor decided to cover his little bum and sent me for a stress test. I had one years ago with no issues and my cardiologist yelled at me for having it done. I told him to take it up with his partner, who ordered it while he was out of town. I had woken up one morning at 5 am with chest pains that went into my arm, etc. All I did at the time was get angry because it woke me up and I was very tired. Eventually I mentioned it to my gyn who finally walked me across the hall to the cardiologist and insisted I make an appointment.

I have mitral valve prolapse, which is no big deal. The cardiologist told me that I should have had pains off and on my whole life and was surprised that I didn't. The first stress test just comfirmed that there was nothing else wrong with my heart. I still rarely get pain, just some random fluttering.

So the doctor wrote for me to have the second stress test around November. Well, I just didn't feel like going then. I put it off until about a month ago. First they made me lie down on a little cot-like thing with my left arm over my head without moving at all so pictures could be taken of my heart. I told the tech that I have bursitis and that it would be hard for me to do that. She said I had to, so I did. It hurt.

Then, glad that was over, I got on the treadmill. It was nice. It was positioned to face out a window and I walked and talked to the techs. They kept asking me if how I was doing and if I had any pains. No, no problems. I can walk for miles, and the increasing speed and incline was no problem. I didn't get my heart rate up much at all, but they were happy. I walked the full time of the test.

Then they told me I had to lie down on that cot again with my arm over my head for another 20 minutes. I said it would be very painful. The tech said I had to do it, so I did. By the time 20 minutes was past, my arm was pretty much frozen in that spot and shaking. It hurt.

A few weeks later I was at my internist who told me that my heart was perfect as usual, other than the MVP, and no blockages or anything had shown up. I said that's nice, but I can barely move my arm or turn my head to the left.

So now I am in physical therapy 3 times a week. The PT told me that my shoulder was almost frozen. It's not getting better. My landscaping work probably isn't helping, but I figure it is making me stronger again.

I think I need to call the vampire. He can fix anything.

Too much nature

I am willing to live here peacefully with nature. I think bees are even pretty, from a distance. They certainly have an important job to do and they are welcome to do it, as long as they don't sting me. If you have ever heard an angry bee buzzing because it is tangled in your hair, you have heard a very ugly sound.

While I was in Toronto last month we had one nice, warm day at home. Child was still living here and she attempted to barbeque. To tell the truth, I had a few minutes in Toronto giggling at the thought of her making herself at home, raiding my freezer, and grilling for all her friends. I remember lifting the lid off my grill last fall and finding at least 4 dozen wasps living inside. I set the lid gently back down and decided to get a new grill this summer.

Sure enough, she tried to do it. She closed all of the vents on the grill and put a tarp over it, hoping the little buggers would die. I just checked, using a rake handle to remove the lid. Only two were moving, and several dozen were dead in the bottom. I admit, I felt bad. But it's my grill, right? They were trespassing or something.

Yesterday I was working on the west side of my house and found several black, very hairy, big spiders. They would just walk out after I pulled some weeds, and I just let them go. I didn't see any hourglasses, but I watched for them. We don't need to mention all the poor little worms that get displaced. I will put them back in the dirt if they end up on cement. Ants, well. Ants are pretty yucky, but I ignore them.

Today I was trimming some lower branches off my silver maple and the other big tree. It might be an ash, I am not very good at this identification stuff. "Helicopters' were landing in my hair and making me a tad nervous, but I got used to it. I do feel a little vulnerable when I am hanging by one arm from a branch over my head and using a branch saw with the other. (psst, don't tell my PT who is trying to rehab my shoulder after the fated stress test, OK?)

However, there was a crow out there. A very unhappy crow. I am guessing it was a momma crow, and maybe she has a nest in one of those two trees. They are huge, and close enough together to string a hammock, which I intend to do some day. She was a big bird, and was constantly circling me and cawing and cawing. I finally gave up and worked on a small tree that is growing in the dog run and needs to come out.

I am such a coward. But who can mess with a momma?

Right now there is a wasp stuck between the door and the screen door to the dog run. I hope the dogs aren't planning on going outside soon. I hate it when I go to open the screen door and there is a wasp on the handle, waving its antenna and stinger at me. I swear they waggle their little thumbs at their noses, too.

Too much nature and heavy work for one day. I need to do something girlie. I think I will go get my nails done now.

I admit to a problem

Confession is good for the soul, right? Do atheists have souls?

I have a shoe problem. I always have had one, ever since I was in high school and wore a size 4. Did you ever try to buy big girl shoes in a size 4? Don't waste your time. They barely exist. So if I liked a shoe and it fit, I bought it. My mom wore a small size 4, so she is the one who taught me to get them if they fit.

Luckily my feet got a little bigger through the years. I had a child, and I did many years of high impact aerobics and now wear a 5.5/6 shoe. At least it's a big girl size, almost.

Then a few years back I had those crushed nerves in my right foot and after surgery I wanted to wear sandals to Las Vegas instead of the most attractive shoes my doctor made me wear. He said, "If you are going to wear sandals, you are going to wear Birkenstock." Well, I bought a pair and haven't needed him since. They do wonders for my feet, knees, back, and hips. I live in the damn shoes.

The Birks fit me and they have many, many styles. They make sandals, clogs, and shoes. Oh, the choices! I usually wear Birki sandals with a back strap to walk. I walk miles and miles in these sandals, and prefer them to "good walking shoes." The support is great and the comfort is incredible. Birki is a division of Birkenstock.

So imagine my distress to find that this particular sandal is being discontinued in the narrow widths. Any Birkenstock product lasts a long, long time, but I walk a long, long ways! What's a girl to do? I just got 3 pair of black sandals delivered today :)

It was all they had left in my size.

The same deja-vu all over again

I have a t-shirt that says, "I fought the lawn and the lawn won." It's true, too. I should live in the shirt from May until November.

When I am sleeping, which isn't really very often, some lawn gremlins sneak into my yard and pour some superfertilizer on my weeds. I swear sometimes that they grow six inches a night. Millions of them crop up. None of this chemical moseys on over to the grass, though. Those gremlins have found a way to leech the fertilizer that I pay to be applied on the grass over to the weeds. It's truly amazing.

The fertilizer seems to work on the wasps and bees, too. When I go outside that one flies over my head and it's a bird. Then I see it, and it's just a five-pound bee. My hair ruffles when it goes by. I can go outside every five minutes and that same steroid-pumped bee is gleefully waiting to divebomb my head. The wasps pay him well to do it. I bet he gets time and a half after dark. The wasps probably have ringside seats for the hornets to watch me sprint.

I set a record on Saturday. I spent 15 minutes working on one bed before I got attacked by anything with stingers. I knew they were sniggering at me from some place in the yard, but I ignored them. They were setting me up, lulling me into a false sense of safety. They will get me again. Get your cameras ready, because I can really dance when I get stung. If one ever goes down my shirt, I will get arrested for indecent exposure when I rip it off while screeching and dancing. On second thought, that isn't a good visual, is it?

As much as I love summer and wait all year for both weeks that we have summer here, I do not enjoy yard work and I truly am terrified of bees/wasps/hornets. I have already had to, uhm, remove three wasps from inside my home this year. I suspect the body count will be high this year. Usually I have less than three in the house for the whole summer. Both weeks, that is.

If I go back to work I will not only have the vampire come here once a week for a heavenly and therapeutic massage, but I will hire the girl next door to do all my bed work in the yard. It would be money well spent. She is special needs and would need direction, but she loves the work and does a good job. I would rather go remove kids from their homes than remove weeds by the roots. It is less stressful. 

 

Leon

When I returned Mr Leon to Irving, his owner, Irving was so excited to have him back safe and sound that he started telling me his life story. I am used to people doing this, since I spent a lifetime in social work. So I let him talk while the dogs continued to socialize.

Leon, it seems, barks funny because he is from Kentucky. He was found there as a stray. He had crossed I-75 three times, including going underneath a large truck and coming out unscathed. A man there picked him up and tried to find his owners. Having no luck, he named the dog Leon and brought him north with him. I guess Leon likes to be driven around.

The man ended up giving Leon to Irving, because Leon looks a lot like Irving's previous beagle who died from lymphoma. Irving loves his pets. He showed me pictures of the previous dog, and some of Leon. His female beagle was walking loose, no leash, around the parking lot at the fire station while we had this discussion.

Irving was close to tears when he saw Leon. Leon was just happy to get back in the truck after his adventure. It delayed his nap. I am sure Leon will go on more walkabouts. I just hope Leon remembers where I live.

Lady, is this your dog?

After a nice 6-mile walk today I came home and sat down to read my email. My dogs were outside, and one was making noise. A girl came to the door and told me one of my dogs was loose. She scared the crap out of me, since beagles are notorious escape artists and do not return. They will chase rabbit scent until a car flattens them permanently. It's nothing personal, it's just the breed. No breed escapes and gets lost more than beagles.

I ran outside and took a peek at the dog run. Two smiling beagles mugged for me. I only have two, so I told the girl it wasn't my dog. She said a neighbor boy, Ryan, was getting the dog. I checked next door for little Chase (who is now pretty well grown up) and she was home too.

A few minutes later a man and Ryan pulled into my driveway. Of course they had a beagle in the front seat with them. It was a male, and both of mine are females. He looked like a sweetie, but he wasn't mine. The boy wanted to take the dog home until the owner could be found, but his mother said NO. The man and I discussed it, and I agreed to hold the dog until his owner was tracked down.

I figured it would not take long. Anyone who keeps a beagle has to love the beast since they are so stubborn and footloose, given the chance. The nice man gave me his card and number, saying he would not leave me stuck with a stray, just in case the owner wasn't found.

So I put a collar and leash on the errant young man and tried to bring him in the front door. I wasn't worried about a fight; beagles love everybody. The girls scared the crap out of him.

OK, Plan B. I walked him over to the gate for the dog run and put him in there. He immediately sat on the step and waited to be let in, very politely. He was clearly a loved dog. His nails were clipped, his fur was shiny and well petted, he had great manners and he had a dent from a collar. Obviously another beagle with the urge to chase a rabbit scent.

I let my dogs out and put down a bowl of water. I went in the house, got the phone book and my cell phone. While the dogs got into some serious butt sniffing and other greetings, I spent ten minutes calling the police, getting the owner's name and number, and arranging to meet the frantic guy at the nearby fire station. I asked him the dog's name, which was Leon. The dog responded immediately to the name.

I "saddled up" three beagles because mine were not going to let another dog go on a walk without them. Walking three dogs at once is an art, and I am still learning it. Luckily the fire station is almost in my back yard.

So the four of us trotted through Chase's back yard (she howled hello) to the  fire station. The owner showed up, very frantic to see his boy.

BUT - he jumped out of his truck and a second beagle followed him out, with no leash. She behaved, but still, she is a beagle. He said Leon had escaped before. He was grateful to have his boy back, but he got a gentle lecture about beagles in general and how to keep them safer.

I suggested he get a harness, and use a separate collar. If the dog slips the harness while being walked, it would still have the collar with license tags. It seems that Leon escaped from the car. The man had his window down, and let the dog hang out the window on the driver's side. So he was driving around with a 30 lb dog on his lap. The dog was tied in the seat with a collar around his neck, and he slipped the collar, and went out the window.

Dumb dog, indeed. I suggested that he stop doing that and keep the dog completely inside the truck.

Leon just jumped into the truck and went to sleep, happy to be back home. The girls miss him already.

Is this the party to whom I am speaking?

Hello?  

Mom?  

Yes (and whom were you expecting?)  

What is your social security number?  

Why might you be needing that?  

I am putting you down as beneficiary for my life insurance policy.  

Why are you buying insurance?  

It's from here.  

Work?  

Yes.  

What about dental insurance?  

(sigh) I wish.  

Are you sure that is why you need the number?  

Yes.  

How much will I get?  

$25,000.   (number given)

When are you planning to die?  

I have to go.....

Public Service Announcement

I wrote this once, and it disappeared, as some entries are wont to do, but I will rewrite because I think this is a reminder that needs to be done. I am not including a graphic, because no one wants to see it.

Even here in the northern tundra, summer is coming. Most of you live where it's already pleasantly warm. Some of you already need to keep potholders in your car so you can touch the steering wheel when you get back in the car.

Gets pretty warm in there, doesn't it? Hot enough to bake a cake, maybe.

Please do not leave your children or pets alone in a locked car unless the children are old enough to leave the car, lock it up, walk through the parking lot and find you on their own.

If you don't think it gets too hot, go sit in your car yourself with the windows up in the sun for 10 minutes. Not very comfy, is it? Roll the window down an inch and sit in the shade. Still rather warm, isn't it? Scary to a child, too.

While you might plan to be in a store for a minute, and can see your child from the window, are you sure no one will rear end your car? Are you sure you won't fall on uneven pavement on the way back to the car? Are you sure your child who is too young to be walking around alone won't leave the car to find you?

We had a woman locally leave a 2 year old and a 1 year old alone in the car in the summer while she got her hair done and did a little shopping. Those two baked to death. The 2 year old left fingerprints at the top of the window in his attempt to get out or get help. It happens every year, and can be prevented.

Please think twice before locking a child, pet, elderly person, or disabled person in a car and walking away.

Seasonal Memory

My mom used to tell me that women suffer during childbirth but don’t remember the pain afterwards. She had some explanation about Mother Nature choosing it that way. I am not sure why she brought that up to me often as a child, since both my brother and I (plus my daughter) were born by c-section. But apparently women suffer for 9 months, then when the child is born, the pain is forgotten; only joy is remembered.

 

Living in Michigan, I see crappy, cold weather from about September until early June. Eventually, the ice and snow melts, the flowers shoot up and trees sport fresh, green new leaves. The air gets warmer, the bricks on buildings are warm to the touch and the sunshine creeps in like a long-missing, but much-beloved relative.

 

Every year we forget about the last 9 months and we enjoy June, July and August to the extreme. Winter never enters our minds. We have beautiful summers here. It gets hot and humid, but it never stays that way for too long. We can’t go far without hitting a lake and there are lovely trees dancing in the wind every where.

 

It reminds me of my mother’s explanation of childbirth. We are so happy for summerthat we forget the suffering.

 

That is my story of why I haven’t left this state and I am sticking to it.

Did I or Not?

A few days ago I posted an entry with a list of things that I have done and have not done. I am not sure I entered it correctly.

When I was fairly new with Children's Protective Services I had a case of a teenage girl who was likely being sexually abused by her father, but she refused to disclose any information. She insisted nothing had ever happened. I made many repeat visits to talk to her, told her that she wasn't doing her father any favors, since he had a serious problem and needed help. She still didn't budge. I reminded her that she was not an only child, and asked her if she wanted her younger sbiling to have the same life. She gave me a jealous look, but offered nothing.

I made the father move out of the home anyway. He got a room away from the house. The mother said she had no idea of any issues and assured me that I was making him move for no reason at all. The younger sibling probably told the truth and did not yet know anything was wrong.

To make a long story short, the police called me a week or two after the father moved out to thank me for a good job well done. He had shot himself in the head, and died.

Police officers and their superiors called me for weeks to tell me what a great job I did in getting that man off the street. They found more than adequate evidence that he had been sexually abusing his daughter and other children also.

So I am not sure that I honestly answered correctly when I said I never killed anyone.

Friends and family

I must have missed the Mother's Day concept. I don't feel a need to be treated like a queen or a goddess because I am a mother. I chose motherhood. It doesn't make me anyone special, except to my daughter, maybe. I don't expect anyone to grovel at my feet because I did what everyone else has done. None of us would be here without a mother. It's natural and normal.

That said, I was glad to see my daughter on Mother's Day. The earlier part of the day was spent cooking up my begged-for macaroni salad and walking the dogs. I then went to a niece's house for her brother's 40th birthday party/Mother's Day celebration. We ate and chatted while the kids destructed the neighborhood.

Then I ran home, changed, and went to dinner with my long time friend Gary to the restaurant where my daughter works. I always like having my daughter wait on me. Had I not been her mother, I would have been refused a reservation, since I only called on Friday. But it all worked out well. She gave me a dozen pink roses and a cute card, which I should scan and send along, because it's touchingly funny.

Gary seems to be taking pity on me and has offered to assist me with some home repair work. This should be fun. I told him I want to install a hot water heater, and would like him to check my work before any matches are lit. I still need a new faucet for the bathtub. I could go on and on, but I hope he stays cheerful long enough to help me replace my kitchen floor. It's way out of date and needs updating. I will run out of funds long before I run out of work that needs to be done here.

What I really wanted to write about is friends, but the right words are not coming.

another game

Monica did it, and so did others, and I will too.....

This could be fun! Copy & paste to your journal. Adjust the x's so there is an X by all the things you have done  If you don’t mind, send me a link, so I can read your list. J The object is simple:  Put an x next to the things you've done:

( x) smoked a cigarette
( x) smoked a cigar  
(x ) made out with a member of the same sex
(x) been in love
( x) been dumped
(x) stolen
( x) been fired   
( x) been in a fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house (I used to wander at night, alone, sometimes)
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
(x ) made out with a stranger  (but I married him, does that count?)
( x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x ) hada crush on a teacher (master's advisor)
( ) skipped school
( x) slept with a coworker (but I almost married him too)
(x ) seen someone die
(  ) had a crush on one of your blogging friends
(x) been to Canada
(x ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( x) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire 
( ) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( x) met someone in person from the journals.
(  ) been hxc dancing at a show  (hxc?  I have no idea what that means!)
(x) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
( ) been lonely
( x) fallen asleep at work/school
(  ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
(x  ) been robbed (burgled)
(x) been misunderstood
(x ) pet a reindeer/goat (I will pet anything once, including a dolphin, an anteater and once I held a baby hedgehog)
(x) won a contest
( x) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost (who, me? I can get lost in a bathroom)
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x  ) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
( ) sung karaoke (out of consideration for others)
(x) paid for something with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(  ) made prank phone calls
(  ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x ) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x ) made a bonfire
(  ) crashed a party
(x ) gone roller-skating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
(x) worn pearls
(x ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed penis in class
( ) ate dog/cat food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them (ever have an ophthalmologist put Opthaine on a cornea that has an abrasion? I proposed marriage)
( ) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
( x) have a little black dress
( x) had a dream that you married someone
(x ) glued your hand to something
(x ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
(x ) kissed a fish
( x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night (often)
(  ) didn't take a shower for a week
( x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( x) had a tree house
( ) are too scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts
( x) have more then 30 pairs of shoes (more like 100)
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( x) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch (I don't know what this is)

( x) played chicken
(x)been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x ) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone (cheek, hand)
(x) been easily amused
(x ) caught a fish then ate it
( x) made porn
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
( x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(  ) cheated on a test
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone's name (my own, sometimes)
(x) slept naked
( x) French braided someone's hair
(x) gone skinny dippin in a pool
( ) been kicked out of your house
(x) ridden a horse bareback
( x) eaten a lobster you caught yourself (crayfish, not lobster, no salt water here)
( ) killed another human being

The Birthday Thing

Maybe this explains something about my habits. I am never lonely or never bored. I do spend a lot of time alone, though. Below is what the birthday thing said about me.

Remo said I had to stop posting pictures of my daughter's "cat" and write something. I haven't had anything to say, so I decided to do the birthday thing that is going around. I think it makes me sound like a horrible person! Can I change my birthdate?

Your Birthdate: September 16 Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone.
You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent.
You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate.

You are introspective and a little stubborn.
Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family.
This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations.

The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you.
Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach.
You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions.
Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.