But officer.....

Rbushu had a happy story today about officers in the DARE program in the schools. My daughter recently had a run-in with an officer, and I want to share that too.

 

My daughter isn’t 10. She is old enough to drink. She and her bf, A, and his friend, C, were at a local bar with my daughter, L. A had a few drinks, maybe only two. However, when they left the bar and A went to get his keys and start the car, L and C told him no, and took the keys from him. He said he was fine to drive, and probably was. However, L and C did not drink, so they felt safer if one of them drove.

 

There was some good-natured scuffling around, and A finally gave up the keys, maybe a bit reluctantly, since he felt fine. They got in the car, L started to drive away, and a police officer pulled them over.

 

Oops. L started to get a little nervous. Was the officer concerned that they had been scuffling, unaware that it was in jest? What was wrong?

 

She rolled down the window, and the officer asked her name. She gave it. He asked each of the young men, who also gave their names. By this time, they figure they are going down the river for sure, although they didn’t know why.

 

The officer then said, “A, L and C are your best friends. I hope you know this. They may have saved your life today. Don’t forget it. You guys have a great night.”

Invasion

In response to rbushu's question of where am I, I am here, at home....with a House Guest. My grown daughter has moved back in for maybe a week. My whole life will be on hold while the dramas unfold. I will do all I can to help while keeping my nose well within my own business.

But I am used to having my own home now, and this will be a big adjustment. We don't keep the same hours, we don't even eat the same foods. I am exceptionally quiet and like as little noise as possible, she is more like a one woman marching band.

We will have fun anyway. We will cook, eat, drink, talk, talk some more, work out, drink, eat, cook, shop, go get me a new refrigerator finally, eat, drink, work out, ad nauseum. We will laugh a lot. We don't argue any more. We aren't adversaries in any way, shape or form any more. We are equals. It's wonderful.  We had hoped to go to Las Vegas this weekend, but flight plans did not cooperate with her work schedule. We will go later in the summer when it "warms up."

So I may be quiet for a few more days. I am trying to catch up on my sleep.

In the meantime, let's hear from everyone. What kind of a relationship do you expect to have with your grown children once they get to the drinking and voting ages? If they are grown, what would you change? If you have none, I have a deal for you...or perhaps you have a niece, nephew, cousin, neighbor who needs an extra parental figure. These days we can't have too many good examples. Ty, this leaves you out! Or - what did your parents do right/wrong for you when you became adult?

Doncha just love homework? Y'all have great holiday weekends, ya hear? No rain, hail, sleet or freezing rain shall interfere. xoxoxo to all.  

Meow

I thought I had two ideas for an entry today, which would be both a first and a miracle. However, upon some thought, they are the same concept.

 

Rbushu (Robin) and I have struck up a nice virtual friendship. We have shared some of our armor chinks, as women are wont to do. In the course of this, it became clear to me that we sometimes display our weak and bad points. We don’t crow enough. I didn’t tell Robin the things I am proud of that I have done. I told her my weaknesses.

 

Onmiownnow2 (Lisa) recently gave a diatribe about how men have it easier than she does. I responded to her entry stating that women sell themselves short, and that men have their issues also. She accused me of being the girl who wants to make boys like them. I am older than Lisa, and I felt bad for her that she is taking her age so painfully and personally. She has so much going for her and she is so focused on menopause.

 

So I want to talk about how wonderful I am. It won’t be easy. I wasn’t raised to be that girl. I was taught that children should not be seen or heard and to never, ever brag about yourself in any way. There is always someone better than I am, so I was raised not to try to compete. Women don’t do that sort of thing.

 

Having been raised to grow up to be a housewife with 2.5 children and a station wagon with maybe some backup secretarial skills, I went on and got a degree after high school. I did marry young, but our careers were parallel. We had a child. We both continued to work and used day care. We shared housework. I fought for my equality if necessary, but generally accepted it as a given. I married someone who loved women and didn’t see them as objects. Unfortunately, we grew in different ways eventually and divorced. I then raised our child on my own while working full time. I returned to school as she got older and earned a master’s degree.

 

I was a social worker, which meant limited income but good benefits. I was awesome with budgeting. We traveled as much as possible. When we went to Mexico, I had my daughter learn some Spanish. She learned to say, “Donde esta el bano?” She was so proud. Of course, when the lady told her where the bathroom was, she didn’t understand a word of the answer, but luckily I did. Financially we never lacked for anything. Somehow we managed to have what we needed and I never went into any debt.

 

I did not remarry. I did not like the statistics regarding young girls and stepfathers. My job taught me some prejudices, I guess. I dated, but mostly stayed out of the field until she got older. I do not regret this. I made my daughter my primary focus and went with it.

 

My daughter and I were very close. I was able to teach her some skills that many young girls don’t learn. If something breaks, she fixes it. She doesn’t run around looking for a man to repair a toilet or kill a spider. As an only child of a single parent, she learned early to entertain herself. Parents used to call me and beg me to have her for the weekend. They told me she was so polite and charming, plus she was such a self-starter and kept their kids busy all the time. I raiseda great child. She wasn’t always easy, since she does have a strong mind of her own, but the rewards have been awesome. She has a boyfriend now who is in awe of how she grabs tools and repairs his house. He has learned to just back off and let her do her thing. Yet, she is also absolutely Miss Priss.

 

I am not that girl who wants to please the boys. I am very much not the one who sees other women as the enemy. I love my gf’s to death. If I date a man and I see it won’t work, I think about my single friends and who might get along better with him. I do not date married men. I love men and know they make good friends, too. I do not compete with women to get a man. Either we get along or we don’t. I am no pirate and I will not play dating games. I am who I am. I don’t need a man to define myself. Being catty is just cheesy and self-defeating.

 

In a previous entry I mentioned how women dress for other women. It’s a competition, and I don’t want to play. What I don’t get is how women insult themselves. When a man gets older, women say he gets better. When a woman gets older, women say she gets old. I don’t think men feel this way. If women would work with this idea, and feel the confidence and strengths inside them, they could stop degrading themselves about aging. A woman of 40, 50, 60, 70 is wonderful. She isn’t old. She is alive and experienced and probably closer to freedom than any other time in her life. How sexy is that? Very much so. So we get some wrinkles. So do men, and sheets, and socks. We earned those lines by living our lives. While we are hardwired a bit differently, still we are equals and I think we should revel in it! We need to crow about ourselves and remind ourselves of how wonderful we are. (You too, Remo. Grandma may be on the roof, but she has had a long and wonderful life!)

 

So tell me what makes you awesome?

What are the odds?

Do you ever wonder, how did I get here? How did the choices I made in life get me where I am? I always intended to teach; from the time I was about 4, I wanted to be a teacher. I got to college, put in 2 years as an education student, majoring in math, when I was told that there would not be any teaching positions available for us. So I changed my degree. Without taking any social work classes, I ended up “temporarily” working as a social worker and retired from that job 28 years later. How did that happen?

 

I married young, barely 22. My life was all arranged. He would finish pharmacy school, we would save, buy a bigger house, save again, buy a business, I would have 2 children and retire at 40 with so I could be home with the kids when they were a bit older and really needed full time watching. I would then work part time at the drugstore, doing the books. Right. We divorced when I was 35, with a 3 year old. He took the business, I kept the house and the child.  How did that happen?

 

Speaking of odd things happening, if you really want to hear your favorite song on the radio, arrive at your destination. You will then be stuck either sitting in the car listening to it in someone’s driveway or have to turn it off. If it is raining, your umbrella is in the trunk or the house.

 

If my dogs get sick and have to have emergency treatment, it will always be some time when my regular vet’s office is closed. I will then have torush to the emergency, 24-hour three-times-as expensive vet. My daughter never got an ear infection when the sun was out. Oh no, they happened on Sunday nights and on holidays. I had really bad ear infections once. It was late on a Saturday night. The hospital thought I was lying, and they stuck me in a waiting room with a young, screaming baby, and left me there over an hour. When the doctor finally lowered himself to look in my ears, he apologized profusely and immediately gave me some liquid codeine. My daughter was young and she was with me, watching me holding pillows over my head. She also was distressed to hear that baby screaming for so long. I never did find out what was wrong with the baby, or with the doctor, either. They weren't busy.

 

Got a big date or a vacation planned? You will get some sort of skin eruption. Going to be in a confined location with someone you want to impress? Gas. Waited for weeks for the right weekend to plant your garden? Thunderstorms. First day of Caribbean vacation? Sun poisoning. Have to drive a long distance for an emergency? Empty tank. Finally get some sleep after a rough week? Nightmares. Show off your new baby? Spit up and/or wet diaper. New car? Grocery cart. What are the odds of all of these things happening? Low on cash? ATM broken or empty.

 

Who hasn’t had these things happen? Of course, we also have the times when we are running late and all the lights are green. The alarm clock fails, and we wake up anyway. Sometimes we buy a new dress thinking it will be too small and it fits perfectly since we didn’t even realize we lost 5 pounds. Maybe the man we wanted to meet turns out to be a best friend’s cousin. Good things happen too. But we remember the odd things, don’t we? Good or bad? Stats. Must be why match attracted me in the first place.

Where have I been?

Where have I been?

 

OK, I admit, I have not been giving my journal the attention it deserves. I have an excuse. I mentioned that I accepted a job as a financial planner, and unfortunately that involves passing state licensing exams for life, health, and accident insurance. This is a totally new field for me, so I had to actually get a book and read it.

 

My daughter took the same exams about a month ago. She gets paid by her new job to study. They gave her the book, the study guides, the practice exams on disk, the whole bit. She had all day long to learn the field, and experts to ask questions of when she was unsure on an item. She passed one the first try, and then the second one on the second try. I was hired by an independent who told me to go pass the exams and come back.

 

So there I was, reading the book, not much liking the material. It’s long, so I only read it once. I read my daughter’s study guide once. She suggested that I take the exam once as a practice and see how it’s worded, and what material they are likely to test. I decided to take her up on that idea, and without telling her or anyone else except Robin (rbushu) the day of the exam; I went today and took it.

 

First they told me I had to go get a cashier’s check for a $10 processing fee. I had to leave andrun to a bank, which made me the last one in the room. The room was arctic-ly cold and caused all my joints to hurt. I got so crabby from being cold that I got a headache. I decided at that point to rush through the exam, quickly guess on anything I was unsure on, and get the hell out of Dodge.

 

I passed. I am back with the living. Unfortunately, I will still have other licenses to obtain. But the first is always the hardest, isn’t it?

 

Does this mean I have to start working again?  

Let me answer that for you....

I thought I would add in some answers to questions you might have about me to get to know me better. After all, I am probably a stranger to you, and I will pretend we are having a conversation over dinner.

Yes, once. Just lucky, I guess. One. 24. Locally. Two dogs, one old cat. Toyota. Almost. Year and a half. Las Vegas and Caribbean cruises. As often as possible. 19. Always near here. Red, brown. 6. Blue Cross. I will never tell. Not any more. Oakland Community College, Wayne State University, Central Michigan University, Walsh College, University of Michigan. Sociology. Business. Computers. No tattoos. Silver. Alexandrite. Math. Judo, aikido, kickboxing, aiado, kendo, karate. Brown. Injuries. Yes. Ballet. I don't remember. I hope so. I don't want to. And how about you?

Response to the Mangina Chronicles

Recently I read The Mangina Chronicles in ScreaminRemo303’s journal. One of his requests is that women pick up the check more. One response to his entry was that she spends extreme amounts of money on her hair, clothes, purse and shoes for a date, so she isn’t going to pay for any of the check, too.

 

Hello.

 

Here is a real news bulletin. Women do not dress for men. Women dress for other women. Most women won’t even admit this. I have never had a man be so impressed by my new shoes that he can’t wait to spend his hard earned money taking me out to dinner so I can stick those hot new shoes under the table to impress everyone in sight. No. Women don’t dress for men.

 

Women shop together. There is a hint right there for you. Some women will now whine and say their husbands will not shop with them. Well, honey, I probably won’t want to shop with you either. As much as I love a new pair of shoes, I do not have to go to 25 stores and try on 26 pair per store unless I can’t find one that fits. I have a small shoe size I can’t always find. Men see “black shoes.” Or “tennis shoes.” Maybe “CFM shoes.” They do not care if you went to 13 stores in 6 malls to find the exact 3.7-inch high shoe with the 3 mm diameter heel that has a silver clip on it that was imported from some unknown country. They want to know if you can walk in the things and if you are ready to go yet. Jimmy Choo is an unknown to straight men.

 

If women shopped for clothes to please men, they wouldn’t make comments like, “Don’t tell daddy I bought this dress.” “Promise not to tell Fred I got 3 pair of shoes today, OK?” “Oh, I have to hide this in the back of the closet so Tom won’t see it’s a new skirt.” Men are more likely to notice if the shirt is a pullover for easy removal than if you spent an extra $35 for mother of pearl buttons that your girlfriend thought were just precious.

 

Not being a man, I can only guess at this, but I think a man does very much appreciate seeing his woman dressed neatly and cleanly in something flattering. He will say she doesn’t need to put on makeup, but will probably feel an anatomical tug if she does her face nice, fluffs up her hair, flexes her calves in the higher shoes, and puts a nice walk on it all. But she doesn’t need to spend a fortune on every date to get his attention. If she does, then she deserves to feel he treats her like an object. She is acting like one.

Mother's Day

My cable service for my computer had the nerve to be down on Mother’s Day. Is that rude or what? Just because I was busy all day didn’t mean I wasn’t maybe planning to make an entry. I might have done it.

 

So now I am a day late to wish everyone a happy Mother’s Day. For several MDs I was working on call as a child abuse investigator, and wasn’t able to spend it with any family, which didn’t matter much since my only child worked most holidays herself. Neither of us worked yesterday, but her boyfriend did, so we had all day to ourselves.

 

She apparently jumped out of bed in the early afternoon and ran out to get me really fresh flowers. I am sure it had nothing to do with late planning. They are beautiful and smell wonderful. We went out for my favorite snack, a Dairy Queen, only we went to a “fake” one and they carried coconut, which made it even more special for me. I had a coconut milkshake, which is surely some sort of nectar of some gods.

 

She came over after I had done my normal Sunday Morning Hobble with my Friend Who Is Late. We did 7.5 miles. Then I walked the dogs their usual 2 miles. My daughter and I added another mile and a half shopping at the local mall and 3 grocery stores. She made me some excellent Chicken Marsala, which required ingredients from special places. Good thing I had all that wonderful milkshake fuel to keep me going!

 

I know some people mock Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Sweetest Day, and maybe even Groundhog Day, but hey, any excuse for a party, right? What is wrong with designated days to reaffirm bonds? Billions of people celebrate Jesus’ birthday by giving gifts to each other. They celebrate his circumcision, also. Why not have days now and then to spend with people closest to us? Hallmark need not be involved. Having my dinner cooked meant as much or more to me than the gifts she brought me. But I felt special seeing the happy look on her face for making me happy. Today’s world can use all of the happy puppy acts of kindness we can do.

 

Every day I try to do at least one random act of kindness. It makes me feel good to do it. I hope some of them bring smiles to others. Sometimes I hold open a door for a stodgy looking man in a 3-piece suit. Sometimes I tell a harried salesclerk that her sweater is gorgeous. I might pick up something a person dropped, or engage a harried parent in an empathetic conversation to distract him/her from a crabby child who is about to be punished.

 

Then again, my friend and I will share comments about how people dress and how most people should not let their bouncing bellies hang out in public. I am not a saint, after all.

Birthday Surprise!

 

So we are to write about memorable birthdays this weekend? I can remember some rather entertaining child birthday parties I had for my daughter. One involved making their own Taco Bells on my dining room table, followed by a Dairy Queen cake that was much more fun to play with than eat. Luckily I anticipated this and used a shower curtain as a table cloth.

 

However, the most memorable had to be my ex-husband’s 21st birthday party. We had been married just 3 months and lived in a one bedroom apartment since we were both still in college. I planned a surprise party for him. So where do you stick someone while you set up a party? I sent him into the bathroom for a nice, long bath. He fell asleep. Meanwhile, I set up a folding table loaded with goodies, decorated the apartment, and let in at least a dozen of our closest friends. They came in quietly as instructed, and assembled themselves in the living room, awaiting his arrival from the bath.

 

He apparently forgot to take a towel with him and had missed me while he was in the bath. He came out, happy to see me, half asleep, and got the surprise of his life!