Process of Moving

http://idonotrecallhavingamemoryproblem.blogspot.com/

So far there is one little boring entry, but it's a start!

 

 

MIA

I know, I know - I am MIA as far as you guys are concerned! It's not shyness or anger at AOL. I have a systemic infection of pseudomonas aerogunosa or something like that and while I will spare you the details of this rebound effect, let me say that I originally went to the learned dermatologist who always discusses the book I am reading with me. He told me my rash was nothing to worry about, and handed me a tube of Topicort. I disagreed. We argued! He assured me it was nothing major and the Topicort would cure it in a week or two. I still argued with him. He finally offered to culture it. I agreed enthusiastically. He was shocked! Then he told me if the culture showed nothing, he would need to biopsy one - totally cut one of them out and have it tested. I totally agreed! We were both shocked!

That was a Monday, 3 weeks ago. On Friday a girl in his office called me to say she wanted my pharmacy number to call in a script for Cipro. I asked what I had? I was told she didn't know anything. I was tempted to just agree with her, but asked her what was in my file. She said there was a lab report. I asked her patiently to read it to me. She gave me the name of the infection and nothing else. I have called back at least 3 times to leave messages to get information. I haven't talked to him yet.

At the end of the week, I still had some spots not healed. So I called the office and said I still had some and had read that I should take the Cipro at least 2 days after the rash was gone and requested another week. I was told I didn't need it and not to worry, everything was going to be fine. I disagreed, but was again talking to someone other than the doctor. So I let it go, deferring against my better judgment. I had a strep throat rebound on me once, and I know a rebound is very intensive.

This weekend I realized it was back. Not on my skin, but internal. Like my mouth. Not a rash, but a coating. My throat, etc. I was terrified that it did this and went to my internist, since the infection was no longer just a rash on my skin. He was a bit mystified by the whole thing. He called my dermatologist to get the best possible antibiotics because sometimes they prefer to give two for this, and the lab would have provided the names. I am now on Cipro for 3 weeks, as of Monday. No improvement as of today, Wednesday. If anything it's maybe worse.

If no one can tell me how to get this out of my mouth I am not eating anything or drinking anything other than a few sips of water when I can't take being thirsty any longer. I will not give details as to why - just trust me. For one thing, my mouth tastes like an ashtray and I do not smoke. I can't think of many tastes that are more abhorrent to me. But I could still eat, if it was just the taste. I have left a message now with my dentist, and for my internist, letting them know I will not eat or drink. Next the same to my dermatologist.

My vertigo is worse or I would go sit in someone's office until I get some answers. I also need to call the neurologist, since I had blamed the taste change on the new sleep stuff. It started a few days after being on the new sleep stuff. I need to find out if the new sleep stuff ever encourages this infection.

I will set up and start writing in my new journal soon, once I can eat and this crap is out of my mouth. I have decided, irrationally, that this infection caused my vertigo. I believed this when I had the skin rash, that if I had Cipro long enough, the vertigo would go away. I think I maybe got it in January.

This is very odd, since I have the immune system to beat all - I haven't even had a cold in a billion years. But this is an infection that immune-suppressed people get in hospitals. I can't recall being in a hospital for any reason except a few weeks ago when I was already on the Cipro and had to pick a friend up. I was in the recovery room for maybe half an hour and then we left. Before that, I guess it was the outpatient hospital for my shoulder surgery almost 2 years ago?

 

Keyed

I received the keys to the new place. Now I need some time to organize and decorate!

 

 

Blocked and Locked

I opened a blog at Blogger today like a good girl. I used the same name of this journal. I didn't write anything there yet, and I just went to look at it. My blog is blocked and locked because they are investigating it as a spam blog, whatever that is.

We already aren't getting along and I didn't do anything. I did what they said to do in order to get the door opened back up. Honest, I don't even know what a spam blog is.

Nothing much has changed here, and it seemed silly to write a lot of entries about Life with a Blind Dog. Molly is somewhat less depressed, and I have actually been out of the house for up to 3.5 hours, but I am still here most of the days without leaving at all. It will take some time until she is comfy without me here. I have the time, and she will take as much as she needs.

I will write again when I am unblocked, which could take 20 days. I don't think that is going to help me much with trying to move on like the rest of you have. Maybe they don't like people who sign up and don't immediately start moving the furniture in. I had no idea!

Well, you know how to find me once I get the keys, at least. Maybe we will like it there better once we get used to it. I suppose we might as well plan to!

 

A diagnosis for Molly

By the end of the evening on Monday, Molly was totally blind. A flashlight didn't even get her attention. A flashlight towards Baby caused her to skittle away from a 6 foot distance, and they both used to react the same. Molly had no reaction at 6 inches.

Molly's vet called me back the following morning. She also felt it could be a brain tumor. She even mentioned vaccine-induced encephalitis, which I have to admit creeped me out a bit. She suggested I take Molly to first an ophthalmologist and then a neurologist. I said I needed to think about it for a while. I was in a bit of shock. Hasn't Molly been through enough?

I called back within a few hours to ask for the number of the ophthalmologist. I figured that to be a waste of time, since Molly was totally blind, but there are some blindnesses that can be reversed. I didn't want to leave any potential stones unturned if they could help Molly. I made an appointment for 2:30 pm today. My wonderful walking partner offered to assist. She has heard stories of Molly on Valium and figured it would be worse with a blind Molly. Very true, that. It was not easy.

The veterinary ophthalmologist did many tests on Molly. Some were simple - tossing cotton balls in front of her eyes. Others were a bit more complicated, but nothing was invasive or painful. The last one involved red and green lights, but I didn't see anything because I was trying to hold Molly still, which isn't easy when I am always feeling like I am moving.

Finally, the vet returned and explained it to me. Molly has SARDS. Suddenly Acquired Retinal Degeneration Syndrome. That means that Molly went blind very fast and there is nothing that can be done to give her back any sight. Nothing needs to be done at all. I have a totally blind dog and she will stay that way forever.

Molly is a bit depressed. I haven't been able to leave the house since Sunday afternoon, other than taking her to the vet today. I hope to be able to leave her for a short period very soon. I fear that if I stay with her too long it will make it harder for her to adjust. I fully intend for her to adjust. She gets around the home with eerie accuracy. She even jumps on the bed by herself at night and finds her favorite spot. She almost never bumps into anything at all, and if she does, it's usually Baby who doesn't yet understand that Molly isn't going to move for her any more.

Mostly, Molly finds me and stays by me. I am OK with that for now, but she hopefully will accept this new assault on her person and continue on using her other senses. It's a rotten deal, but we can try to make the best of it. I am not treating her much differently than normal, but I am watching her carefully to see if she has navigation issues any where here so I can lead her carefully around them a few times until she has them imprinted, however they do that. She can't navigate at all while on a high dose of Valium, so I am happy she finally calmed down and went to sleep.

She has already gone to the front door a few times and hit the servant bell to be taken outside. She hasn't done that for days, maybe longer. Baby goes so often that Molly just tags along.

If you are worrying about the illness, there are generally about 4000 pets a year who come down with it in the USA, so it's not very common. It's more common than Addison's. Early signs can be watched for - extra appetite and extra desire for water. Molly had those. It often happens overnight. It is irreversible, so an early diagnosis isn't really going to make a difference other than peace of mind for what it is. Since it's fast, the dogs often don't have time to learn their ways around without sight in their homes, and many get depressed and scared for a while. The pupils become very large and won't contract. Molly's did contract twice on Monday night, and she was able to see once for about half an hour, and again later for about 5 minutes. She spent most of that time looking at my face, which breaks my heart. She wants me to be what she remembers seeing best. It's how I knew she was seeing - she got perky, and ran up to me without error and looked at me - I moved my hands, and she followed with her eyes.

SARDS does not reduce a lifespan. We will be just fine as long as Molly doesn't go running off a cliff. Not too many of those around here.

 

Molly

I was just leaving for my massage appointment when I handed the dogs their treats and noticed that Molly hadn't taken hers from my hand. I looked down, and she didn't even make an effort,although she looked very enthusiastic. As usual when I see something odd like that, I moved it around to test her vision. She could not see the treat. I put it to her mouth, and she took it and ate it. I gave them a second treat - same thing. Third - they were in hog heaven, but Molly did not see it.

I walked around and watched Molly following me. I stopped and stood still. She walked back to the pantry, but bumped into something on the way. Molly does not bump into things. She wasn't going very fast. She tended to stay fairly close to walls and furniture, but did not touch them. I think she can maybe see a little light. Maybe not.

There have been times over the last two months or so that I felt Molly could not see or hear me. When I waited a few minutes, she could. I was never sure. I hope this passes, but I am not optimistic. Not at all, not this time. This time I am positive she cannot see. 

My last dog, Maggie, was 14 years old. I went away for a weekend. The child was with her. When I came home, Maggie was totally blind. The child hadn't noticed, so perhaps it had just happened. Two weeks (or maybe two months, I honestly cannot remember) later, Maggie went into a seizure that lasted all night, and continued on until I could get my then-boyfriend over to carry her to the car for me because Maggie was too big for me to lift while she was in a seizure. She had never had one before that night.

Because of that night, I wanted smaller dogs from then on. Maggie suffered all night, not even able to control her bodily functions or even to pull her own tongue into her mouth. It was the worst night of my life. It was the last of hers. She had a full, happy life with us after having been turned in as an abused puppy at the local humane society.

Molly is 9 years old. She is a beagle with nice papers, although she is fixed. Her Addison's Disease has nothing to do with this.

Maggie had a brain tumor. I am terrified that Molly does too. I am not afraid of a blind dog, we can work with that, but I do not know what caused it. I have to drug her with Valium to take her to the vet, and it's too late today to have enough time for the Valium to work. She has had sezizures at the vet's office before. I can't risk that. Not now. She has never had a seizure any where else.

Molly's urine is clear, I had it tested over the weekend. So it's not the UTI keeping her back now. It's something much more serious. Maybe a brain tumor - I don't know. I will probably find out tomorrow. Tomorrow is also my birthday.

Keep Molly in your thoughts.

 

Perchance to Dream

I have been taking my new sleep medication for 2 weeks now. It's amazing! I actually am getting deep sleep. I must be - I wake up feeling almost alive! Anyone who has ever seen me first thing in the morning - well, they wish they hadn't. I stumble, I trip over the pattern in the flooring, I whack shoulders into doors, I forget where I am, I drop things, and any improvement is not going to happen for at least an hour. I don't cook in the mornings because I will burn myself on the pan. Or drop a dozen eggs in the dishwasher.

If someone called on the phone and woke me up, it was obvious I had been sleeping. Within a few minutes, I could sort of carry on a conversation. Maybe not a normal one, but I would always try. If someone is calling at an odd time, they usually need someone to talk to, and I am happy to be a good friend.

My dreams used to be vivid to the point that I made jokes for a long time about them being so much like movies that all that was missing was the credits. Then, one night, I dreamed those, too! For real. It made me laugh, but it did happen. My nightmares were as real, sad to say. Dreams hadn't been quite as prevalent as in the past.

Suddenly I am jammed into deep sleep within a few minutes of when I feel the effects of the medication. Not much time seems to be spent in the lighter sleeps at first. I am awake, and then I am history. A few hours later, I am awake, and I must take a second dose, and then I am history. I do wake up briefly off and on when I hear something, or I move over, whatever, but I am right back out within seconds.

I am remembering dreams again. I always seem to have one right before waking up. They are so real that they feel more like memories than dreams. None have been nightmares, so far. They are even more logical than dreams usually are.

One odd reaction from this medication, and not just with me, is that I wake up all of a sudden. I am in a deep sleep, and then I am not. Bingo presto, I am awake and functioning like a human! I walk like one, I talk like one, and even the dogs are trying to figure out if this morning mom is a ringer. Aliens have taken over our chef!

This morning I woke up at 7:49 am. Within 15 seconds of that, ST called me. I wasn't expecting to hear from him early this morning, it was just a total coincidence. He did not know I had been sleeping just before he called. He could not tell. No daytime drag with this stuff! I even remember the conversation.

There are some downsides. No alcohol within 4 hours of ingestion. Seeing Baby puke up her antibiotic was enough to cure me of even being curious. No food at all for 2 hours before I take it. I am rather used to a late snack, and often I forget to eat dinner and now I just have to go without. It hasn't been a problem, since I haven't been very hungry, either. At any time of the day. Oh, and no naps. The chances of me being able to nap are slim, but it doesn't matter because I have no desire.

I feel more alert all the time. No dragging my ass around after an hour or two of doing anything at all. I am not up to the pace I used to keep, but I sort of have some wishful hopes now. My memory is a tad improved, but not any where near where I hope it gets back to. My skin seems less dry. My hair feels better. Sometimes I think my vision is sharpening, maybe just a tiny bit. Parts of my to-do list are getting shorter.

I am hoping I can stay with the program and continue using this medication. I feel really quite good! It's amazing what loss of sleep was doing to me.

My reading is even better. Before, with the previous sleep medication, I needed an hour lead time before it started to really work. However, the sedation and the hypnosis would start sooner, and I would forget in the morning what I had read the night before. I sometimes had to do some re-reading. Not any more - I take the medication and go to bed. I remember what I read! I haven't been able to do that for 20 years.

The dogs are happy, too. When I am awake too much I toss and turn for hours. It's ruins part of their 20 hours a day of beauty sleep.