Jump wisely, little grasshopper

Today was one of those days where everything was either odd, funny, or slightly off. Sort of like going to an outlet mall kind of day.

Child came over and we went out to lunch. Just how hard can that be? We didn't even argue over where to go. We went to a Max & Erma's, which is a mile from me. I think they are a local chain. I ordered a "hula salad," and child had one of everything else on the menu. I know for sure she had a chicken salad croissant, french onion soup, and french fries. Yeah, and she weighs 112 lbs. Go figure.

I pick at my food. I am the slowest eater you will ever sit down with. It drives some people nuts, but most of my friends are used to it. I have been edgy with salads ever since my ex-husband and I were being wined and dined by some pharmacuetical company at an upscale restaurant and a live spider walked brazenly out of my salad and headed west down the table.

So, as usual, I picked and poked and didn't even think about it. It's second nature to me. I have, in the past, found dead bugs, pieces of plastic, odd assortments of other people's meals, metal chunks, and all kinds of extras in salads.

Suddenly, a piece of lettuce flew out of my salad and towards my soda glass. I thought it was odd, but started looking for it. Do I need to mention that child is afraid of insects? I moved my glass, and there was a grasshopper, not a piece of lettuce, at least an inch and a half long, just waiting for the next course to be served.

I wasn't sure what to do. I almost just flicked it off the table, and decided that was a bad move in a restaurant. We weren't sitting close to a door, so I decided not to grab it and take it outside. I just sat quietly for a second or two, then mentioned it to child.

She was about to lose it when I grabbed the little bowl that held the remnants of my salad dressing and turned it upside down over the grasshopper. I continued to pick at my salad, trying to decide if maybe I should still finish it. I was really hungry. Much to child's credit, she remained rather calm.

The waitress came by eventually, and asked if everythingwas OK. We said yes, but that there was a grasshopper under the salad dressing container. The waitress acted up more than child did. She disappeared very fast.

The manager came over, and asked us what happened. She also seemed more upset than we were, which made me laugh even more. I was still contemplating the salad when they whisked it away, much to my chagrin. They offered me anything for free, and assured us we had no bill to pay at all.

I asked for a cookie. We left a $15 tip. I assured the waitress that one grasshopper would not keep us from returning.

I love to be entertained. I hope the next grasshopper does the hula for me.