Smithy

I love to read, I really do. At any given time I have at least 5-7 books sitting on my end table, a veritable treasure trove of vicarious thrills for my personal enjoyment. Most of us have a similar kind out outlet - television shows, restoring an antique car, remodeling a home - something that puts our brains on idle status and let's the old gray matter do its required housekeeping without our interference.

Fiction is my choice of weapon. The topsellers are often on my list. I also read some arcane authors. Give me a well written vampire novel and I am happy as a pig in, uh, you know. Chelsea Quinn Yarbro writes some extremely interesting historical novels, going back to very ancient times; however, her main character is a very charming vampire.

Another well known writer of the underworld is Laurell K Hamilton. She brought sex to the undead. I find her funny, charming, and one of the most undiciplined writers I have ever read. About three books ago I almost wrote to her and said, "Please, please let me edit your next book. I will do it for free. Please don't insult my command of the language any more." Her grammar, her spelling, all of it - enough to insult any careful reader.

Recently, I teased our Faux Cowboy for writing "Jane Austin" when he meant, of course, "Jane Austen." I knew he knew better, so teasing was appropriate.

I used to work with two other social workers who felt like I do. One has a law degree and one has a master's degree from Harvard. We used to argue over word usage, grammar, spelling, and those little details no one ever cares about. It was fun for us, and a nice break from writing reports about various abuses to children we had witnessed.

Once, I was reading a book by Stuart Woods. He is very impressive in his command of the language. He doesn't even use literary license when people are speaking. However, a sentence caught my eye. I was shocked. The grammar was wrong. I re-read it. I took it to work, and read it to the two wordsmiths. Two of us agreed it was wrong, one sort of hedged, unsure.

What to do? I wrote an email to Stuart Woods, stating that I love his books, and appreciated hiscommand of the language. However, would he please explain the sentence in question?

Most surprisingly, I received a response. He stated, "The New York Times would certainly agree with you, however, I chose..."

YES!!! I was right!

My daughter recently pointed me towards a new writer of ghosts, witches, wereanimals, and vampires. Her name is Kelley Armstrong. I am finishing her second book now. She has an imagination, but can't write in English. Perhaps it is due to the fact that she is Canadian, but when I read a sentence like, "If I was smart," I have to stop, laugh so hard I almost need to change my clothes, and think, "Oh, but do you have to be so obvious about advertising it? If you were smart, we would be able to tell!"

These days, every time I see a written word that ends in an "s," it has an apostrophe, even though it does not denote either possession or a contraction. It sets my teeth on edge. Or should I say it set's my teeth on edge?

Oh, I make mistakes. I cringe when they are pointed out to me, and then I laugh. I maybe should have been an editor. I have an eye for it, but sometimes I will miss the content of what I am reading because of an error in syntax.

I think I get a different entertainment out of books than most people do.