My morning at the hospital

Blood red ink seems the correct choice today.

I have been having symptoms of a low thyroid issue, so I was tested for that lately. My doctor was surprised to see the results show normal for thyroid, as was I. However, my human growth hormone levels were low. So she decided to over-test me and sent me for a more invasive HGH test.

I say "invasive" rather than "intensive" because I don't like IVs. I had no warning on what this test would be like, other than I would need a few blood draws over a few hours and I had to fast. I don't care about the food, but I do care about the water.

So after being totally confused at the hospital as to the directions I finally got to the rigth place. Being lost in large hospital campuses isn't unusual, but my child was born there and my mother died there. I should know my way around.

At the check-in desk, the woman noticed where I used to work, and said, "you been case worker?" I said no, protective services. She got very nervous at that information. I smiled, and made a joke about it being the job no one wants, but I was wondering why she was so nervous.

I want to add a disclaimer here. I love nurses. Nurses have gone to bat for me after they have listened to me and the doctors didn't. Nurses have been there for me when I have had bad reactions to general anesthesia. Nurses are trained medical professionals caught between a rock and a hard place. They have to please patients and doctors, and I do not envy them that.

However, this was not one of my favorite experiences. First they stick me in a little room with a recliner built for the Jolly Green Giant. A Papa Bear seat for Mama Bear to sit in. My feet barely touched the ground. I was unprepared for the procedure, and asked the nurse to explain to me what she was going to be doing so I could relax better.

I was also unprepared for a nurse who had English as a second language. She ignored some questions, but finally caught on and went to ask another nurse to get some information for me. Nurse #1 told me that she would have to draw blood 5 times and would be inserting an IV. The way she said it, it sounded like 5 pokes plus an IV. I told her my limit per arm is 3. She put the IV in, and then hooked up a bottle of arginine. 300 ml of an amino acid I knew nothing about was going into my arm, rather fast and cold.

Finally nurse #2 came, a nice, professional English-speaking lady and told me that she had no written information and offered me the package insert from the IV. I took it and read it, but told her I was content now that they had explained the procedure somewhat to me.

Nurse #1 went to do something else and nurse #2 drew blood. #1 came back and drew again. #1 returned and called in #2, and they argued, in front of me, regarding which labels went on which tubes of blood. They seemed unsure.

Nurse #2 told me I might feel "icky" after the liquid was all in my veins, but it would maybe go away after I ate. She allowed me some ice chips, which perked me up considerably. Any test that does not allow me to have diet soda or water for 12 hours is just wrong.

Eventually I was trying to sleep between draws. #2 did the 3rd draw, finishing at 11 am. #1 came in my room and started to prepare fresh draws at 11:02. I explained that it was just done. At 11:15, which was supposed to be 30 minutes, they did it again. And again at 11:45, and I was finally released to go home.

I was told that they drew enough blood that I should be careful, and that I should probably eat steak for dinner. I was given a turkey sandwich with an expiration date of today, so I ate it. It was slightly greenish, but I was hungry. I mentioned the chair being for Big People, and #1 laughed and said, "yes, some little old ladies come in here and their feet don't touch the ground." Oh, really?

It wasn't easy getting my blood out, and they had to pull the needle back some, and wiggle it around. I had visions of a black and blue hand, but I see no mark at all.

 See, nurses are good people. They know how to abuse without leaving marks.