No! No! Don't Fart!!

 

 

While it wasn't funny at the time, I have joked with people about not sleeping cuddled next to a puppy under the covers if the puppy is sick and has bloody diarrhea. They leak.

Baby couldn't help that; she was sick and wanted to be close to her pack leader.

Molly, however, could have avoided this had she been acting like a lady today.

I had my usual massage at the usual time today. I go the same time every week on the same day. Dogs learn routines pretty quickly and adjust. Usually.

Today I came home and found a chewed up Tupperware cup. OK, I know where that came from, but usually nothing gets chewed unless I am late for a meal. I know I fed them before I left. Also on the floor was an almost empty, 14-oz bottle of baby oil, with the cap chewed off.

Uh, oh, I think, where is the rest of it? Where did that bottle come from? I haven't used baby oil since I moved here in summer of 2006. I don't even know where she found the bottle. I looked around to see if I had left any doors open, or any hint that Molly had opened a cupboard door and helped herself. Not a clue to be found. While I certainly suspected Molly, I had no idea which one did it or if they were both guilty. I just knew I had to get them outside and then fire up the well-used carpet steamer.

The culprit implicated herself within minutes. Molly squatted and squirted poop and oil. I have to admire her ability to hold on. I am sure I would have pooped in the house if I drank some where along the line of 1-13 ounces of baby oil.

As I steamed up small dark spots of poopy oil on the carpet, I saw Molly sit down, heard a tiny little fart, and as she walked away I saw another dark, oily spot that didn't smell very nice. I continued to steam small areas of the carpeting, still unaware of where the "big dump" of oil may be soaking into my carpeting.

When I finally got around to eating lunch/dinner, Molly sat next politely on the carpet next to me. I cringed. Sure enough, when she got up, there was another dark, oily spot. I sighed, and cleaned it up after I finished my dinner.

In an attempt for damage control, I put a blue puppy pad on the sofa and had a talk with Molly about where she was supposed to sit. She sat down and carefully listened, leaving another spot on the carpet. She then jumped up, sat on the paper, and appeared ready to sleep. Yes!! I thought I had been successful. A minute later, she moved over and cuddled next to me. I grabbed the paper, and tried to shove it under her shiny, oily bum. (I am so grateful for the decision to have leather furniture!)

She farted. I have three blankets in the washing machine right now. I hope bleach doesn't ruin them. Who knew she could aim well enough to hit three at once?

My sheets are a light cream color, made by Pratesi. I might not go to bed tonight.

Uh oh, she just farted on the green blanket and the others aren't even in the dryer yet.

My daughter doesn't understand why I keep nasty old ugly blankets on my sofa. I wish she were here. It would save me an explanation.

So far, Baby has not leaked anything, including the news of where there might be a big spill of baby oil. I am thinking Molly didn't let anything hit the floor.

Oops, oh, no, Molly, don't fart!

 

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