Abstract art

Today I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch after he had a meeting. The meeting ended at 9 am instead of 11 am, so he called and asked if he could just come here. I said sure. Hey, it's raining ice outside today. I wasn't excited about going out.

Of course, that meant I had to clean everything Right Now. I jumped in the shower, did my make up, and started fluffing up the condo. I haven't been able to keep things as ideally done since the shoulder surgery, but I try.

I also decided to have some cranberry juice with just a touch of vodka. It helps me relax. Yeah, go figure.

I hadn't seen this friend in a few weeks and I was looking forward to the visit. He has been rather ill, and he didn't want to share with me. I said bring it on, I will either get sick for the first time in many years or my immune system will get a good workout.

He wanted a plain glass of cranberry juice, which I gave him, and asked him to fix my cable TV. One of my dogsitters had decided to use it while I was gone, and she messed it all up with the wrong remote. I have no knowledge at all of how TVs work any more. That is why I have a friend who is an engineer. Please fix.

So, while he was playing with two remotes at once and getting everything to work better than it ever did, I was watching a little off to the side. My mind was wandering, and the ice was melting in my glass. I was holding it in my left hand.

Let me back up a bit. While I was pouring his glass of juice, I bashed my left shoulder into the refrigerator, whacked my hip on the kitchen island, tripped over my own feet, and laughed. I said I am clumsy in the mornings. Always. I don't cook in the morning because if I try to, I burn myself. It's pitiful, but just a fact of my existence that I have sort of accepted. He complimented me on my glasses, which I bought after I moved here. They are very nice, and somewhat fragile. I mentioned that I worried about breaking one and the dogs' feet getting cut, and how hard it would be to take care of 8 cut feet, plus mine, all at once.

Not five minutes later, while I was standing and watching the remote routine, the glass became wet from condensation. I didn't pay any attention to the thought - I am not left-handed, but my left hand had to hold the glass. My right shoulder is achy again. (Twice this week I went to my old house and picked up stuff to bring to the condo.)

Without any other warning, the full glass suddenly slipped through my fingers and hit the floor on an angle. I had no idea that juice and vodka and crushed ice could spray straight up ten feet. Who knew? I bet I couldn't get that impressive of a splatter pattern again if I tried.

I am disappointed in myself. I once was holding a takeout cup by the top and the top came off. I managed, with the same hand, to grab it without spilling any, before it hit the floor. My reflexes are good, it was just too early in the day.

It hit the wall, the TV, me, the carpet, the sofa, and a few other things. My condo is mostly off white. Cranberry juice has a resemblence to blood when viewed in a splatter pattern.

I couldn't stop giggling. Even while I grabbed a rag and did the carpet and the lower part of the wall, and my friend washed off the higher parts on the wall, I was still laughing. We agreed it looked like a slasher movie.

The walls will never look the same until I can paint them, but I will laugh every time I see the faint streaks in the crappy builder-grade paint.

The glass did not break.

It still would have been funny even if it had.*

 

 

 

                  *No dogs were injured during this act of clumsiness.