It's all about me

You know, I tried to tell my mom that the dog called Molly wasn't acting right. Any cat worth her salt would have realized it at least an hour before mom did. We cats just know these things.

Let me get one thing straight. I did not wish this illness on that dog that people seem to fawn over. I wished for her to be gone entirely. I mean, who needs dogs? Those darn animals will eat my food in a second if mom doesn't put it where they can't reach it. As it is, Molly used to take advantage if anyone left a chair out from the kitchen table. She would jump on the chair, then on the table, and then on the counter to MY food. Grrr. I peed on one of her toys after that, but don't tell mom.

Everyone gets all excited to see a dog fetch. Did you know that I can fetch, too? I like rubber bands, especially the kind for ponytails. I get so excited when I find a rubber band that I want to play fetch right away. Mom sometimes complains because it's 3 am when I want to do this, but so what? I WANT to play, so she should get up and accommodate me, right? I don't usually want to play for more than an hour at a time any more.

Don't even get me started on that other annoying animal that mom calls Baby. That thing is like an energizer bunny, and she is always waking me up. Isn't that enough of a reason to get rid of her? Disturbing my 18-hour naps? I mean, what good is she?

I guess that Molly was really, really sick. Mom actually was so worried that one morning this week she prepared my breakfast just how I like it and then she didn't serve it to me. She forgot it on the other counter where I can't go. She left it there until she finally heard me complaining. Just how long am I supposed to wait?

Molly is able to jump on the bed and the furniture finally again. Her back end and her front end are not always going at the same pace right now. She looks pretty funny to me. At least she is sleeping a lot and not bothering me much.

Sometimes those dogs are on mom's lap when I want it and I have to sneak up quietly and fit myself in. I ask you, is that right?

I am 18 years old. These dogs are only 6 and 4. I have seniority here. I can make these two dogs lie down in front of me and not move until I say they can. Mom can't even do that. I am very impressive. You should see what I can make them do when mom isn't home! I have been trying to teach Molly to open the refrigerator, but we are still working on that one. Dogs aren't too bright, you know?

Oh yeah. Mom asked me to write about Molly. Well, she seems a little better this evening than she did earlier. That lazy dog slept almost 24 hours, other than to pee or eat. Man, is she eating now! I don't dare fall asleep where she can reach me or I might be dinner.

Maybe tomorrow we will let mom write again. She was busy working in the yard for a while this afternoon. It was too cold for bees, so she was able to get some stuff done out there that she couldn't do earlier in the year. I like to keep mom busy, you know. She needs to spend a little more time out there in the yard to get it nicer looking. I deserve it. She broke a nail digging up an old stump from a huge bush. No wonder I have a human to do my dirty work.

Don't tell anyone, but I do actually kind of like Molly. Once after Baby chased me (the gall!) Molly walked over to me and I swear she was checking to see if I was all right. Also, don't tell anyone, but rice makes Baby fart. I, of course, do not fart unless I want to. And even then, it does not stink.

Love, Wiz, the cat