But your honor....

I don't know what I am doing here, buddy. I am very important and I have other things to do, such as collect the money to get my car repaired. Do you realize how much damage that one little person and her two dogs did to my van?

Oh, well, then, if you insist, I will call you Judge or Your Honor. This is such a waste of my time. I told the police officers already what happened. I was driving down the main street there at no more than 50 mph. I stopped quickly to turn the corner onto the side street there by the school.

No, of course not. Uh, Your Honor. I didn't use a blinker. I always turn there. Don't you know that? That street leads to my street in the subdivision. I thought everyone knew that. What do you mean, the speed there is posted 25 mph because it is a school zone?

No, look, bud....I mean Judge. Listen to me. I had half a mile in which I could see her. She turned around once. It looked like she had a stiff neck and had to turn her whole body. Why would a cripple be out walking two dogs on such a nice day? No one around here walks. We can afford vans. Like my soccer van. I see her walking all the time. She isn't one of US, she doesn't even wear a wedding ring. What is she doing around a subdivision like this? What is she, some sort of street person who can't afford a nice van like mine?

I guess she didn't realize I was turning, although she should know that is my street. I always turn there. What was wrong with her? She crossed the side street with her stupid dogs. Why does one woman need more than one dog? They aren't even a retriever like I have. She probably even lets them in the house. She didn't stop for me. I was turning, she didn't see me, and she did not stop for me. Doesn't she know who I am?

Well, just to show her and teach her a lesson, I hit her and the dogs. Do you realize what kind of damage that did to my soccer van? There was blood all over the street. I assume her daughter is in this court room smiling because she is pleased to be writing me a check to pay for my car and one to the city to clean the street. I expect a lot for suffering and pain, too. I had to actually get out of the car to be sure the tires weren't flat.

Judge, she wasn't dead right away so I made sure to tell her that she had to stop for me. I was still yelling at her to be sure she understood that pedestrians must stop for me when I am driving. Everyone knows that, of course, except this stupid street person. I mean who is she trying to fool with that auburn hair? What bottle did that come out of? If she would have just dyed her hair platinum blonde like mine, she might look more appropriate. I probably did the world a favor. I am a nice person like that. I am sure she understood her error before she died.

Then the police came and told me that there would be a charge of vehicular manslaughter. I don't get it. How can they charge the wretch if she is dead? It's not like she is going to disobey me again, right? You know, I just don't have time for this sort of thing. I am much too special to have to sit here and waste my time discussing this incident with you.

What do you mean, I will have a lot of time to think about this? I am glad to hear there will be a big judgment regarding this unfortunate incident. I deserve it.

What do you mean, the huge payment goes to that little bitch of a daughter of hers? Who will be paying that, and what about my poor, damaged van?

(Note: She did not hit me. But she came very close and she did have the balls to stop and yell at me for not stopping and yielding to her after I had already started to cross the street appropriately. My apologies to the court system for combining civil and criminal courts.)