I have what now?

1997 was the last time I got sick. I had a sinus infection, bronchitis, an infected throat and a high fever. The doctor insisted on an X-ray, telling me he thought he heard something in my lungs. I said it was likely a Kleenex. I have had nothing contagious since. I spent years after that in CPS with snotty kids, kids with lice, sick kids and parents hugging me and kissing me, hours in schools, hospitals, courts, police stations. I got nothing. Not even the lice. Go figure.

However, since then my white blood cell count has gone up and down. Most of the time I am tired. I can't sleep, but I am tired.

Due to arthritic pain, I was sent to a rheumatologist. He said I have fibromyalgia. That is a syndrome which includes pain and exhaustion. The pain is deep towards the bones, not just the joints. It's an ache that doesn't go away. He said if my blood tests were different he would think I might have lupus.

Thursday I saw a different rheumatologist who looked at me and suddenly said, "you have lupus." No warning, no lead up to it. Just, "you have lupus." I told him I am tired most of the time, and he said, "Of course you are tired. You are sick." I looked at him, and said, "No. I am not sick. I am healthy." I wanted to add, "You old coot," but did not. I think attitude counts, and I think I am healthy.

This second-opinion board-certified rheumatologist asked me what pets I have, what breed my dogs are, and how much they weigh. He asked me if my red hair is natural. He felt my ankle for the pulse in it, then took off my sock and just sort of held my foot. Ewww. He did not ask me how my endurance is, how much I sleep, where I hurt or how much. He did ask me which school I got my master's degree from and in what field. I told him my daughter is a waitress and he said he was sorry that she is a disappointment. I never said she is. I am proud of my daughter. She is a bright, happy, healthy, beautiful, cheerful, if messy, daughter and I love her very much. She drives me nuts sometimes, but she is in no way a disappointment.

So I have spent the last few days thinking about what it means to have a diagnosis of lupus and if I want to take Plaquenil as he suggested. I don't think I do. He said it would stop the pains, stop my hair from thinning (you have seen pictures of my hair, I still have plenty), and help with my tiredness. It is a medication for malaria. It can have serious side effects.

I am starting to consider either a third opinion or just ignoring the whole thing. I don't get sick. I find it hard to believe my immune system is compromised. Perhaps I don't understand the issue, but I don't feel sick. I feel pretty damn healthy. I think he is wrong.