Lessons

Throughout my life I have learned many lesson. All were learned the hard way. My daughter taught me many, many more. Whoever knew that it was necessary to tell a child not to use hairspray on the dog? I am including a few examples. Maybe you can relate to some.

• Don’t eat a large bowl of cherries before getting a massage.
• Don’t let your dogs learn the word “eat.”
• Don’t skip washing your hair when you expect to be home alone all day. You can count on company.
• Don’t try to explain a black eye. I had one caused by a boating accident. When asked, I learned to look down, look embarrassed, and say, “I don’t remember.” No one asked any more questions after that.
• If you want someone to talk to, put a band-aid on your forehead.
• Don’t assume you are still not allergic to poison ivy.
• Don’t assign a child to do the kitty litter. The cat will never forgive you.
• Don’t do a special favor for a man unless you want to continue to do it every day. (Not always true – but beware!)
• Don’t tell your child that something is a secret and not to tell anyone. This means either you did something wrong, or the world will soon know you did something stupid.
• If you think you left the iron/stove/whatever running, you probably didn’t, but you have to go check anyway.
• Don’t think you don’t need a spare key.
• Don’t think the pain in your shins is a sore muscle that needs to be worked harder.
• Watch what your child packs when on vacation. A child can sneak some interesting seedpods from Mexico into the luggage, and your luggage might get searched.
• Don’t cough hard and break blood vessels in your eye before having to give a speech in a class. Vampires look better.
• When an ophthalmologist does minor eye surgery, then puts on a patch, telling you to leave it on for 3 hours, she has a reason. She knows you are going on a cruise the next day, and she wants to get out of town before you see that you have (yet another) black eye.
• Don’t ignore spots that look like mosquito bites that don’t go away. I thought that cancer would be darker, like a mole.

I know I have done many other stupid things, but this is all I can remember right now. Probably I just don’t want to remember the really bad ones!