Let's look at appliances

Let me first add a side note that due to my lifelong battle with insomnia, I was forced years ago to give up caffeine. I dropped my diet Coke and switched to caffeine free sodas. I had headaches for two months, but my sleep pattern did not vary at all. I avoided caffeine after that anyway, unless I am in a restaurant and the only diet they have has caffeine. Honestly, I never really noticed much of a difference, until recently.

Today a former co-worker and I had lunch, like we do just about every week. We ended up at Fuddrucker's, which is a favorite of mine that I don't get to go to very often. Their soda glasses are about the same size as my toilet. I had a full one of diet Coke, and then realized it had caffeine. After that, I went to Lowe's to look at appliances. I had a little bit of trouble concentrating, not that it mattered any.

I started with the stoves. I was advised by the man who always knows the answers to my questions that if I want a glass topped electric stove to get one with adjustable burners. I never heard of such a thing before, but then I hadn't looked at another stove since I bought mine in 1985. I do not browse appliances or furniture unless I have to.

The salesman in the department didn't seem to know his head from a microwave. Honestly. I got the impression he was perhaps not in his regular department, although he never said so. At least I don't think he did. I belive he was from Albania, and spoke English very, very fast. It was like shopping in a 7-11 store. I couldn't understand him, and I used to work with the refugee program with the state. I had to personally interview every refugee that came into Michigan during those years. The only one they didn't give me was Sergei Federov. They told me he had a job offer so I didn't need to interview him. I didn't think that was fair. Anyway, the appliance sales guy didn't know anything. I asked him if there was a light on the stoves, and he had to get the manuals out. Mostly I asked questions, then found the answers myself while he stood there, trying to look important and helpful. He gets points for trying.

I told him I also needed a front-loading washing machine and was interested in checking out the Fisher Paykel brand. He said oh yez, the berry bess, made in Swisselan. I said, oh, I thought it was made in New Zealand. He said yez, Nuseelan. He took me over and showed them to me. I said this is a top loader. He looked at it again, and said it was a front loader. OK, it's hard to be confused about that.

I opened the top, said see, it's a top loader, and look, there is an agitator in there, which is what I wanted to avoid. He didn't seem to know what I was talking about. I took him over to the Maytags, opened up a front loader, and explained it to him. Oh! Well. The Fissie Pakkel is niz. Top of the line. Or maybe he said bet on the lime. I didn't even bother with the microwaves.

Instead, I wandered over to flooring. I really do want to put in a new floor myself, but I need instructions and a lot of information. A nice young man offered to give me both, but said he had to finish a phone call first. Sure, I said, I will just look at the stock. I looked at the same aisle for 15 minutes. Then he came running over to some laminate next to me, dragging along Mr Appliance. They were arguing over a price. Nice Young Man said he would be with me in a minute, that he was still dealing with the Phone Call From Heck. Yes, he said heck.

So I paced the floor another 20 minutes. I wandered off far enough to see The Phone Call. There were four people dealing with The Phone Call, while I paced the floor for more than half an hour. I decided they didn't need my business today and left quietly, right in front of them. Had I been thinking, I would have thought about how I had seen Nice Young Man answer the phone several times. I should have taken out my cell phone and called, but I didn't think of it until later.

I still hate shopping for appliances. I still want to do the flooring myself. I also really, really want that window replaced in my kitchen. I bet I could learn to do it. I bet Child and I could replace that window. Ideally I would knock out part of the wall and the brick and put in a sliding glass door there, but maybe that would be beyond my abilities.

I can swing a sledge hammer. I know I can. Just give me another diet Coke and stand back.