Artistic Meltdown Snit

Today is Day Five of The Project. I anticipate hitting triple digits now before I am all done. I just can't seem to spend much time on it. I got started on it this morning, and completed the floor-ripping-up. Well, except for a couple of little pieces left under the laundry tub legs. The legs are bolted to the floor. I didn't unbolt them yet, so I left a bit of lino under them. I hope they are screws. One way or another, the laws of physics say I can remove them.

Somehow I *forgot* that there is a roughly 2' x 2' laundry room closet, too. I use it every day. Of course there is a floor under all that stuff. I had to drag all the stuff out and put it in a plastic bin, then rip up that floor. However, the little piece that the bottom of the folding door fits in had to come off, so the door is now sitting on the floor in my dining room. The little piece of metal is in my purse because it's a little rusty and I sort of hoped I could get a new one. Maybe it will clean up if I work at it.

Then I started emailing with an old friend who moved to Chicago without telling me and we had some catching up to do. He upset me without meaning to, and the afternoon sort of wiled away. I was at a crossroad anyway, I had to get out and go pick out new flooring.

I put on my big girl pants and went to Benjamin Moore to look at paint. Nothing looked like what I wanted. This made no sense to me at all. I had wanted to scout colors before looking at the flooring. I left and went to Lowe's. I explained to the salesman that I am really a guy, that I don't want to pick anything out, but just want someone else to to that and hand it to me and I will install it. Mr Ponytail was the salesman today, a new unfortunate who had to deal with me. I told him I didn't like anything, either, but had to pick one.

After much discussion, I finally decided I did like one lino tile. That is the good news. The bad news is that all they had in the store was one tile. I felt a bit snitty, but didn't let him know that. I thanked him and told him I would have to think about it and return. No big deal, right? If I can pick one I don't like, then I can return and pick another.

I went to the laundry tub section. There was a choice of very cheap or very expensive. Luckily I had measured height, depth, and width. I also carry a tape measure with me, which earned me big points with that salesman. However, once I decided on very expensive since we aren't talking a basement here, we are talking about my first floor laundry room, we realized they didn't have any. I wasn't surprised.

I started to look at dimmer switches for the kitchen, and decided a meltdown was imminent so I paid and left. I rushed to Home Depot to check their stock, but nothing looked right. By then it was almost 9 pm, so I told Mike (his name was written on his apron in magic marker) I would be back tomorrow so I could drag some tiles outside to check the color in sunlight.

I still felt snitty. I couldn't figure it out for a long time. I decided that the mood I was in and the behavior I was holding back strongly resembled an artistic snit. I have no art, I reminded myself.

Then I thought about it. There are different kinds of art, right? I can design and make my own clothes, but I can't draw them on paper first. Or later, either.

Maybe, just maybe, my lack of interest in decorating has less to do with my talent and more to do with frustration. I don't watch television, I don't read house magazines, I don't go in the stores. Advertising is not telling me what I want. So any ideas I have are my own, and I have to find what I want without having any idea where it is.

It's easier to be a guy. Just let someone else pick it out and I will install it.

Plus, Mike looked disconcertingly like lotzamoe. Just much shorter.