I Scare Children

I have wanted to write this entry for months. I had to let my emotions die down a little bit first. I was reading yesterday and the book brought the topic to the front of my mind again. I was reading Devil's Corner by Lisa Scottoline. A character says, on page 7, "You're bossy for . . . a midget." This appears to be said with affection.

Twice I had read, in the same journal, that the writer is "afraid of midgets." Once, at least, it was spelled incorrectly. So I went to Merriam-Webster to see if there is a certain size that means midget. No, it just says smaller with normal proportions, but it also indicates "sometimes offensive."

Yes, it is. It is an offensive term unless you are using it as above in the book. Unless it is said with affection to someone you know who understands your meaning, it's an offensive term. It's the M-word, equivalent to the N-word, especially since it is sometimes used as seen in that journal, as in "afraid of."

I am 5 feet tall. The woman in the book is 5'2". There are numerous references in the book, written in the first person, about her being short. While I enjoy Ms Scottoline's books, her constant reference to height in this book reminded me of how I felt when I read those journal entries.

My mother was 4'10". I have an aunt who is 4'8". Should my aunt and I stay indoors, so we don't scare children? My mother is dead, so luckily she is no longer scaring people or offending them with her height. It doesn't matter if we have high IQs, good manners, nice grooming, or anything else. We scare people because we are closer to the ground.

If you want to really offend me, point out someone to me and say, "Look! That person is shorter than you are!" Be sure to say it loud enough so the other person can hear you. That way you can offend two of us. We will not, however, point and say, "Look! That person is fatter/dumber/smellier/older/younger/taller than you are. 

I used to add insult to injury because I was extremely thin. Do you have any idea what it's like to have people look at you and say, "I hate you. You are skinny." Once, someone said to me, "Hi, Skinny," and without thinking at all, I reacted with, "Hi, Fatty." I felt awful, I really did, but it was an unconsicous reaction, and I apologized more than once. She never did, of course. It's perfectly OK to constantly rant and carry on rudely about someone being too thin. No one ever asked me if I felt good about myself when I weighed under 85 lbs. To be honest, I didn't. It did not help to have people tell me they hated me over a medical condition.

I spent my formative years being reminded that I was short and that people hated me for being thin. Perhaps they assumed I didn't know these things about myself, so they needed to point them out to me? I laughed at names like Half Pint, Shorty, Little One, Little Bit, Red.

Did I forget to mention the red hair? Really, it's red-brown. Auburn. People have followed me around all my life and asked me what color dye I put on my hair. Some called me a liar when I said I didn't dye it. Strangers used to come up to me in public and grab a handful of my long hair and fondle it. They didn't ask permission; they just grabbed it and told me it was beautiful. It was nice to hear, but the touching part really wasn't appropriate from strangers. Ladies used to get mad when they would see my hair while I was in the hairdresser's and would ask their stylist to give them my color, and the stylist would tell them it can't be done. I can't even get my gray covered up without a major color change. It's just not a color - according to my stylist - "found in nature." I used to hate it, but I don't any more. I am now proud of it.

I have many times wished to be 5'4", 120 lbs, with brown/brown. At least I have the brown eyes, although I often hear, "I have never seen brown eyes that dark on a white girl."

Sigh. Sorry to whine, but I guess we redheaded midgets are like that.